Wednesday, September 19, 2007

10 Things I would tell College Girls

I live in a college town and spend a fair amount of time on campus. I see lots of young girls. Lots and lots of young girls. Which I may have mentioned before can be very hard on the ego of a 35 year old woman. Have you ever tried being 32 and pregnant in a college town? If not, I don't recommend it.

I've come up with some advice for college girls. I'd like to hold a class -- you know, like the "health" class we had where all the girls went into one room and all the boys went into another. I could save some serious time if I could just lay all this out one time. Some of these are based on my own experiences. Some just from casual observation. I'm not sayin' which is which.

1. You do look hot in those skimpy, skimpy shorts and tank top. But you also look like a slut. Unless of course that's the look you're going for. And you know what? The guys (the good ones anyway) think you look like a slut, too. (Seriously, girls. I think I had more on at my last gyno appointment).

2. You think you're fat now? Get a load of yourself in ten years. You'll look back at pictures of yourself now and weep. Weep, I tell you.

3. Go ahead. Drink those beers. Eat that pizza at midnight. Enjoy it while you can. Because the ol' metabolism? She stops working at 30. Don't believe me? Wait and see. Wait and see.

4. That summer abroad you want to do? Go for it! That guy that you think is the love of your life will either be there when you get back or not. And if he's not? It won't be the end of your life. I promise. It will probably even a good thing. (Also, don't let your mom go in your place because you think she's older and she might not get another chance. She will go at least twice more while you have yet to go at all. Not that I'm speaking from experience or anything. Ahem.)

5. Don't screw over your girlfriends for the sake of some boy. He's probably not worth it. If he bolts, you're going to need your girlfriends. Even if he is "the one," follow the advice of Khalil Gibran -- "Let there be spaces in your togetherness." Everybody needs some breathing room. Even you.

6. Don't skip class to hang with some boy. The actual amount of time you spend in class is miniscule compared to the amount of free time you have. There's plenty of time during the course of week for the two of you to spend time together. And you know what? It's a whole lot easier to bring that GPA down than it is to get it back up.

7. Don't get drunk. A drunk woman is NOT a pretty sight. You might think you're the life of the party. And you might be for a while. But there comes a point where the life of the party starts to look just plain ridiculous. Guys really don't want to hold your hair while you throw up. And it's not safe. I'm not saying don't drink. Just don't get drunk.

8. Those 15% discounts that are offered if you open up a store credit card right now? Not. worth. it. You say you'll pay them off. But you won't. Unless you do. And if you can do that and stick to it, great. Don't charge anything that you can't pay back right away. Your credit score? Just like your GPA. A whole lot easier to bring down than bring up.

9. Live by yourself for a year. It may be the hardest thing you've ever done, but do it. By the time you're done, you'll know who you are. And who you're not. And you'll prove to yourself that you can take care of yourself.

10. Volunteer. Find something you're passionate about and volunteer. The alternative? Sitting around your dorm or your apartment, eating. Doing nothing. One day when you're chained to a desk and you've got so many responsibilities, you'll WISH you had time to volunteer.

That is all. ;)


1blueshi1 said...

sigh. don't I wish I could go back in time, find myself, and slap the living crap of me. or possibly tie myself up for several years or until I consider myself mature enough to cross the road by myself, whichever came first.
and my son is TEN...that would be...ONLY TWO YEARS OLDER THAN THE FIRST TIME THE COPS BROUGHT ME HOME. well I say it that way because it makes me sound baaad. it was actually the ONLY time the cops ever brought me home. I snuck out my bedroom window to go meet my boyfriend in the neighborhood park. our city had a curfew. he was sixteen, I was twelve, and the cop hinted around not-so-subtly that I could go BACK in through my window if I would just...
I told him to ring my doorbell NOW.
maybe Zac will be okay.

also, you are gorgeous!!! those college girls bettah HOPE they look like you after they push out a couple offspring.

Laurel said...

Terrific list, and something all those youngun's need to hear even if they don't know it.

Lauren said...

Ha! I love this list!! Especially #1. Maybe Im bitter but I just want to scream when I see these girls in their teensy weensy shorts and tops. Who cares that I wore it once? IT'S NOT OK NOW! Especially now that I have daughters.

Also, i might add to the list: STUDY. Not just for the good grades, but to learn something...I wish I could go back and attend half of the classes I took and actually absorb some of the information (instead of recovering from a #7).

Leslie said...

This is terrific! And may I add one? Don't smoke. Or stop if you do. Everytime I see a young girl (or guy) smoking, I want to run up to them and say, "Think about what you're doing!" Yes,smoking causes lung cancer, which they're probably not thinking about now, but it ages you, too. It causes wrinkles, yellow teeth and fingers, and that awful hacking smoker's cough. Yech. Why look old before you have to? Smoking is not worth it to look cool.

Lulu said...

What a great list! And since I'm all about the travel, #4 is a definite. Go see the world before the responsibilities of a mortgage and family keep you from going. Not only that, it might make you appreciate the things that you have a little bit more.

tammy said...

Could you also tell them to please hang up their cellphones when they are driving around in their enormous SUVs? Cause they like to about near run me off the road on a daily basis.

Madame Queen said...

All very good additions, ladies. Shall we print them up at Kinko's and hand them out around town? Who's with me!!

Esme said...

Great list! I'd add "Take whatever class looks interesting to you." Underwater basket weaving? Fine. Wine tasting? Definitely. An in-depth analysis of Stephen King novels? Sure. Get all the work done for your graduation requirements, and then take a taste of everything that every other department at your school has to offer. I've always wished that I had taken greater advantage of the time when I had all those experts and all of that information at my fingertips...

el-e-e said...

Great list!! Sigh, makes me miss college. Not the stupid parts (ahem, refer to #6), but just HAVING that time. To volunteer. To LEARN! To travel.

Mir said...

Oh, the wisdom is strong within you.

I did the semester abroad, but came running back the second it ended (for a guy). I would come back and travel around "someday." Go ahead, ASK ME if I've been back since then. Right.