Monday, August 10, 2009

I've Got A Feelin' Called the Bluuuues

Today I'm feeling kind of blickey. I have the blickey blues, as Mr. Daddy and I call it. Lately, I've been feeling really out of sorts and I don't like it. No, sir, I don't like it one little bit.

And the weird thing is that I can't really put my finger on what's the matter. I just don't feel good. I mean, I'm not sick or anything, I just feel blah. There are days when I feel like I literally don't have the energy to pick up my arms to do the most mundane tasks. I'm not motivated at work to do anything. I'm very short tempered with everybody, husband and kids alike.

There are times when I feel an approximation of happiness. There are times when the family and I are together and we're laughing and doing something that I know intellectually I know is "fun," but I feel very disassociated from the fun. As though I'm on the outside of a bubble watching everybody else have a good time. I might be laughing, but it doesn't feel real.

This might be more honesty than y'all are accustomed to from me. Frankly, it's a little more honesty than I have been comfortable sharing in the past. But I sort of feel like taking this blog in a new direction -- well, not a completely new direction -- but maybe I'll start sharing a little bit more about what's going on in this head of mine.

Don't worry. It won't be doom and gloom and serious posts all the time. But this "general malaise," as my friend Tara called it, is making me feel as though I don't want to write. It just feels like too much effort. So, I'm hoping by facing this head on, looking this whatever it is in the eye, will help me move past it.

My mom says (and I don't think this originated with her) that you're only as happy as you make up your mind to be. So, I'm trying to make up my mind to be happy. I hope you'll stick around while I'm doing it.

Speaking of Tara, she's started her own blog. It's only a few days old, but go check it out now before you have to spend weeks reading her archives! Tara is a Banshee, a divinity student, wife, mother of two precious girls, and a heck of a great friend. Go check out her blog and see Who's Driving the Bus today.


Little Murray Sparkles said...

Hang in there Madame Queen. It will get better, and if not, we'll get you some good drugs that help. : )

and thanks for the shout out!

The Thrailkills said...

I'm a subscriber to the Dr. Phil philosophy - "fake it until you make it." In other words, act like your having a blast, and at some point you will forget you are acting?

I can totally relate to the feeling I spend a lot of my time pretending like I love legos and baby dolls - and sometimes, I do.

Laurel said...

Maybe the general malaise is catching 'cause I've been having it, too. For me it marks the end of a season. Summer has been great, but I'm tired. Oh, so tired. Ready for the change school brings, ready for a schedule, ready for a little quiet (is that bad?)

I don't think short periods of this is abnormal. Life is a little cyclical, don't you think? You know you best. What is normal what is not. Regardless, you have a big community of bloggers out here rooting you on!

Katie @ Can't Get There said...

I hear ya. I feel like I am constantly fighting that feeling. Two things that usually help me: the first is doing something you KNOW you'll love. For me, sometimes it's scrapbooking or watching West Wing for the 90 zillionth time. The second thing is going to sound all kinds of wacky, but it works for me: workout. Yes, it sounds horrible and painful and I never want to when I start...but by the end I feel full of smiles and energy and like a total badass. :)

Anonymous said...

Could you be preggers? Either way, I love you. MLE

Madame Queen said...

MLE!! BITE YOUR TONGUE. And no. definitely not. :)