Today I had something kind of weird happen. Something that made me feel a little uncomfortable. I went to my second weight watchers meeting and I felt, well, not unwanted exactly, but I definitely got a vibe of "what are YOU doing here?" from a couple of women -- not any of the counselors mind you, but some of the other people at the meeting. This one girl WOULD NOT STOP STARING AT ME. I'd like to think it was because I was so stunningly gorgeous she couldn't look away, but every time I looked her way and smiled my friendly little half smile, she would look away. Not smiling. Sure, I could just be paranoid but I'm a pretty good reader of people and body language and there was a definite chill.
The truth of the matter is that I was one of the skinniest people there, but you know, skinny is a relative term. Sure, I might have been smaller than most of the women in attendance, but I am a good 20 pounds over my physician identified ideal weight, which I'm pretty sure qualifies me as overweight.
This has actually happened to me before. I joined Weight Watchers years ago when we still lived in our hometown. I joined with a friend as moral support, though I did need to lose about 15 pounds at that time. At my first meeting I ran into the father of a guy I went to high school with and he laughingly said to me "What are you doing here? You don't need to lose weight! We beat up girls like you after class." He was only kidding and we all had a good laugh, but still.
So, why do I feel like I need to give my fat "pedigree" to feel legit? Do I need to tell them that several members of my extended family are what is now termed morbidly obese? That I struggle with food all the time? I love to eat, but if I ate everything I wanted to eat, I would be huge. It's a constant battle of wanting more of whatever it is that I'm eating and then immediately feeling guilty after I eat more.
I'm doing this to get healthy. To get thinner, sure, I'm not going to lie. But mostly I'm doing this because I want to be healthy example for my daughter. How fantastic would it be if she could have a healthy relationship with food? THAT is my real goal.
And guess what, y'all? I lost four pounds. And it felt great.
5 years ago