Thursday, August 5, 2010

Tomorrow is the First Day of the Rest of Her Life

All week I've had a vague sense of anxiety. I wake up at night and can't get back to sleep. I find myself clenching and unclenching my hands. My neck is a little tense. Mr. Daddy, an excellent reader of my moods, keeps asking me "What's wrong? Just tell me what's wrong. After 13 years of marriage, I know it's something." He stays after me, even after I've protested numerous times that there's nothing wrong.

Really, I was telling the truth because I couldn't put my finger on just what was wrong exactly. Until it finally hit me.

Punkin is starting kindergarten tomorrow. My baby. Who is still only 4 years old (she'll be 5 at the end of the month, for the record). When I finally fessed up to Mr. Daddy, his response was "Oh good grief. You're being ridiculous." Um, dude, when you press your wife to share what's bothering her, don't brush her off and make her feel silly. TALK TO HER. Don't you guys get it by now? We women want to talk things through, hash them out.

Y'all know the issues we've had with Punkin. While her behavior has vastly improved and she's always better behaved for other people, her starting "real" school is making me a little nervous. I've told a couple of people that I don't have any problem picturing Punkin in the classroom, but the idea of her tiny little self in the large cafeteria, full of kids, carrying a tray nearly puts me over the edge. But then yesterday I was trying to imagine her in the classroom, learning sight words and I nearly had a panic attack.

The thing is, I know I'm overreacting. Punkin is smart. She can do this. Tonight we go to meet the teachers and then tomorrow morning, my Punkin takes her first real step into the real world. And the first step in walking away from us. And maybe that's what's really making me sad.


Leslie said...

She will do great--and so will you. Both of my kids were totally enchanted by the cafeteria. It made the feel so grown up. I remember Birdie coming home from Kindergarten the first day and saying, "Mom! We eat lunch in this big room with all the other kids and you can go through this line and pick whatever you want to eat!" So funny. I'll be thinking of you tomorrow.

Just in Case said...

This summer we painted over the "nursery" bedroom in our home that Xman has resided in for the last six years, and two years before that his sister. I honestly think I cried every day of painting (which took FOREVER). He is now six, a "big boy" - no longer going to the preschool that he's gone to for the last 4 years.

He's fine.

Me, I might need therapy by the time the kids get to high school with all these wonderful milestones they keep hitting.

for a different kind of girl said...

The cafeteria is the most exciting thing about kindergarten! I hope everything goes well tomorrow. Kindergarten is a big step we release our kids into, and then suddenly, you get their school registration forms and, up in the corner, see the year they'll graduate from high school. For me, that's in five years! FIVE! Gah! I honestly did cry when I saw that, because it feels like I just put him in kindergarten!

Katie said...

I'm just getting caught up. This is *just* what I was feeling last year when Gracie was about to start school, only my panic-inducing thought was of her finding her way from the bus to her classroom. I hope all went well!