Princess Punkin-pie

Well, last night I ended up watching Lord of the Rings: Return of the King, which I will watch whenever it's on, no matter that I've seen it a go-zillion times already, so I stayed up later than I intended. This egregious error on my part was made worse by the fact that Punkin woke up screaming bloody murder at 3:33. Then came in my room and scared the pee out of me at 4 a.m. And then started screaming again at 4:45. Since my alarm goes off at 5:00, I figured it was time to get up for the day. I'd like to think I'll make a more informed decision tonight, but I doubt it. The allure of mindless television is too great.

Okay, now of the par-tay. I've put together a couple of rules for those of you who might be planning parties in the near future.

Rule #1-- Number of invitees. Whoever came up with the rule of one guest for every year of the birthday child's age is a freaking genius. This rule should be tattooed on every new parent's forehead so that every time they look in the mirror they see it staring back at them.

I invited 10 little girls from Punkin's class, not really expecting that all of them would attend. Sounds terrible I know, but there's always attrition. Right? Riiight. But, I thought I was prepared. I got to my mom's house early to set up:


I had a crown and a wand at each child's place. And also lots of stickers, jewels, bows, and assorted sparklies to decorate.

But then, someone RSVP'd about an hour before the party started. What was I going to say? No? Not when she tells me "Sparkles really wants to come to the party, but I didn't see the invitation until this morning." Um. Okay. How am I going to tell a child she can't come to the party?

Rule #2 -- Don't have any expectations about your child's level of excitement in regards to the any of the festivities. When Punkin arrived, I let her open one of her presents early -- a gorgeous poofy blue Cinderella dress that she had specifically asked for. I thought she might like to wear it for the party. Right? No. Unfortunately I have no photographs of her in it because she refused to put it on. I did finally manage to get her to put on one of her old costumes, but only by telling her that she couldn't open any presents or have any cake unless she was wearing her dress. No, I am not above bribery in any form. Also, when it came time to blow out the candles, I could barely get Punkin to look in the direction of the cake, much less expend any breath in its direction.

Rule #3 -- You need help. If your husband asks if it's okay if he runs some errands during the party, say NO. Not only no, but hell no (as we say in my family). It might SEEM like a good idea at the time, but trust me, it's not. He might be feeling a little overwhelmed by the thought of all those females, but he will just have to get over it because you will need him. For one thing, you won't have anybody to help you pour the drinks while you're trying to absorb about a gallon of urine out of your mother's sofa cushions, deposited there by one overly excited little princess. I can guaran-damn-tee you that the Fairy Godmothers never had to deal with THAT.

Rule #4 -- Be sure to have beer on hand for the after party.

Although it seemed very hectic at times, the little girls and their mothers (and one very brave father!) seemed to have a good time. Some of my favorite shots from the party:



Do you see that face? Punkin's face? That's what happens when there are too many princesses at one party. Fights over tiaras and wands. That's mine. No, it's mine.

I've blocked out most of the faces in these pictures, but I just couldn't do it on this one. It was just too precious and the picture would just lose something if I did.

Any finally, my little princess.


Part of the reason this blog is called Madame Queen is because that's what my mother used to call me, because I always got my way. I like to say that my children have dethroned me in a mostly bloodless coup and that they now hold the keys to the kingdom. And when I look at that little face, I think that's just fine with me.