Thursday, May 13, 2010

I Think I'll Go Eat Worms

I'm having kind of a low day.

I found out last night that I didn't win the flash fiction contest I entered. I didn't place. I didn't even get an honorable mention. I suppose it was hubris in the extreme to think that I might win. But I'll admit I got my hopes up when I got the email that said my story had made the first cut and that it had beat out at least two hundred other stories. But 99 other people got that same email.

This contest gave you the option of paying $10 to receive a critique from the judge, a reputable literary agent. I thought that seemed a reasonable fee and so now I'm just waiting to receive my critique. That I paid for. That I really don't want to read.

Oh, I'll probably read it, but I'm not going to lie, I'm nervous about it. I had told myself that if I won or placed in this contest that I would really start to concentrate on my writing, which was, if you think about it, an almost fail proof way to keep from having to work on my writing. I keep putting up all these barriers for myself and I really don't know why. And now I'm afraid that this critique might be just another roadblock, either real or imagined.

I'm also blue because I'm very unhappy with my physical appearance right now. Last year I met my Weight Watchers goal and lost 17 pounds. Since last spring I have gained back all but three of those hard lost pounds. I keep making attempts to restart my weight loss program, but my heart really isn't in it. I did great counting my points last week until Thursday night when we got finished with Bubba's baseball game kind of late and we ended up grabbing fast food. I got the smallest burger they had (with no cheese!) and a small fry, but it all went downhill from there.

All these people on the internet are doing fitness challenges, Couch to 5K programs, 30-day shred. I get temporarily inspired by their dedication but it doesn't last. And then I stare at my closet every morning, trying to find something that will make me happy with me. And that's a tall order for a shirt or a pair of pants.

Nobody likes me, everybody hates me, I think I'll go eat worms.


Robyn said...

Is that a new diet?

Just kidding - I like you!!! And, I know how you feel. I've been "trying" to lose the last of this baby weight for months now, but haven't stuck with exercising for more than 2 weeks at a time.

Writing is an art and art is subjective. I would take any critique with a grain of salt. I hope you're feeling a little higher (you know what I mean) today.

Mir said...

I like you, and I suspect worms aren't high enough in protein to make them worth it. ;)

I hope today is a better day!

AndreAnna said...

I'm in so much damn pain from moving that I can't even consider working out more than a day in a row. I miss my energy, the still-fat-but-less-fat body I had before all the stress of moving.

I'm with you.

Add in a week of rain and I'm ready to go eat some worms with ya. There are plenty pooping up around here from the deluge.

Leslie said...

I'm sorry the contest didn't work out, but the critique might bring good things--comments that inspire you or get you going in the right direction.

I'm sorry, too, that you're feeling low. I wish we lived closer and good walk together or something. I do better with exercise when I have a partner, so I'm having a hard time sticking with my own plan. I hope today is better.

Burgh Baby said...

Could you make a worm pie? I might be game for joining in, just so long as there is some sugar in that worm pie.

Lylah M. Alphonse said...

I like you! Lots!

Sorry about the contest, but don't let that stop you from writing. Also: Don't forget that a critique is just an opinion. It matters, but in the long run how you feel about what you've created matters more.


Katie said...

Whaaaa? You are awesome! Seriously, one of my favorite bloggers. I checked your site all the time when you were "on a break" (does anyone else still hear Ross & Rachel?), and I squee when I come back to new content *still.* So - don't question your writing abilities. Just write for yourself, not for the judges. Not for the validation (although I admit - it's very heady stuff). I'd be happy to read it if you'd like to send it to me. (In fact, I'm really, really hoping you will.) If you don't, that's cool too.

As for the workout thing, have you tried setting up little rewards for yourself? Or made yourself accountable to someone? That's what works for me - I know my friend Jo is going to ask and I HATE having to say no, I didn't work out.

How else can I help, chica? I know everyone gets the "I'm-gonna-eat-worm blues" from time to time, but I want to help if I can.

(P.S. - You're pretty and we love you. Now smile, dangit!)

Amy Munnell said...

The primary purpose of a contest is to be read. And to give you a critique of any kind means that it had to be read at least once, and by an agent! It was probably read a second time after you made the first cut. And if there were multiple judges, you were read by each. You placed in the top 100 with your first submission! You should be throwing your shoulder out patting yourself on the back. Now send it right back out somewhere else.

for a different kind of girl said...

I know that badger is 2 points on the WW plan, but I'm not sure where worms fall in.


I can understand your frustrations in both areas. I keep plugging away at the healthy lifestyle thing, and I'm such my own worst enemy when it comes to writing that I don't even do any beyond blogging, and even then, I'm not doing that more than once a week or so. I'm part of a fiction writing blog, but when it's my turn to get a contribution up, I go into a complete, teary panic. It's silly, really.

I'd do what someone already suggested. Take the critique with a grain of salt, look at it as perhaps a learning opportunity, and, in the end, still try to feel good that you DID get as far as you did in the contest.

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