Sunday, May 9, 2010

How Did I Get Here?

The other day as I was pouring a glass of milk at lunch for one of the kids, I had the strangest thought come over me -- how did I get here?

Specifically, how did I get to be the mother of two children? I mean, I know how I got to be a mother. I don't need the birds and the bees talk. But how did I get to the place where I'm in charge of two other human beings?

How did I get to the place where I'm willing to give up my free time for them? How did I get to the place where I put their needs before mine -- fixing their lunch before mine, even though I'm starving?

How did I go from the crazy college kid to the woman who actually seems to know what she's doing? I don't claim to have it all figured out by any means, but I think I'm doing a pretty darn good job so far. (knock wood!)

I'd like to think that it's because I had an excellent role model, my own mother.

In my mother's day card, I told my mom that there was no card out there that could truly capture all she had done for me over the years. She had been my first caregiver, my first cheerleader, my first honest critic, the first person to love me unconditionally. She is still my confidant, my strongest supporter, and now, I'm happy to say, she's also my friend.

There are stories about me that as an infant, if my mother wasn't holding me, I was crying. She thought things might get better when I learned to walk, but then I just followed her everywhere she went. I'd like to think I'm still following in her footsteps.


Leslie said...

Happy Mother's Day! I hope it was great!

for a different kind of girl said...

I sometimes have similar flashes, wondering how it was I got to be the one who makes decisions and cares for my children when there are days (sometimes many days!) when I the first thing I want to do when faced with something is pick up the phone and call my mom for the answers! I guess that speaks a bit to the kind of women who raised us, and they know we're fully capable.

Hope you had a wonderful Mother's Day with your kids!

Queen Mother said...

I know your mother a little bit. She would consider your post high praise and would especially like it because it isn't awash in sentimentality. She lost her mother as an infant and delayed having children after her marriage because she was afraid that, never having had a mother, she might not be a good one. Though she approached motherhood with trepidation, she considers it the most important aspect of her life and she enjoyed (with all caps)the role and the fulfillment and the fun that her children brought to her life.