So, here's the thing. I haven't written here in a while. And while I occasionally think about it, the longer I stay away the harder it's been to come back. I'm not sure why this is, but I've found the same is true of other things that I've neglected. The more guilty I feel about something, the harder it becomes for me to address whatever it is that I feel guilty about. Exercise, anyone? Counting Weight Watcher points?
I've been thinking a lot about why I started this blog and how I felt about it when I stopped. When I started I felt like I had a lot of stories to tell. I wanted to record the events of my life. I wanted to connect with other people online. I wanted to see if I could do what the bloggers that I loved were doing. And at first it was fun. I made some really great online friends -- many of whom I still consider to be my friend today, even though I've never met them in real life.
But then, for some reason, everything changed. I started to worry more about my comments than anything else. If people didn't comment on a post, or if not "enough" people commented, I took it really hard. Or if hardly anybody commented on what I thought was a great post (one that I'd worked hard on), but tons of people would comment on something I just tossed out there, I was wracked with doubt. What if I'd lost sight of what was "good."
And frankly, that thought still haunts me. What if nobody comments? What if I've lost all my readers?
But today I'm back because I'm trying something new. I'm writing. I mean I'm writing just to be writing. I'm reading the most amazing book about writing -- Bird by Bird by Anne Lamott. I'm barely two chapters into it and already I'm inspired. People have always told me I have a gift with writing, but whenever anyone says that I always discount their opinions. It makes me feel VERY uncomfortable whenever anyone compliments my writing. I have no idea if it's good or not (and this is not a ploy for compliments), but I've decided to try to write something. I don't know if it will be a novel, a memoir, or a short story. But it's going to be something.
And I'm going to write here. I've missed it. I hope you'll join me. But if you don't I'm going to try not to take it to heart.
5 years ago